I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
