Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
