Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
tequila makes me forget i have legs
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
