Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Come share oat with me in your robe
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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