I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Fuck appropriateness.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
