gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
