I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
