I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
