eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
