i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
