Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
