In the future we'll all be gay
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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