everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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