I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
