Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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