I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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