my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
