I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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