im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
