I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
