Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
