i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
