So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
