I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
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I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
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And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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