Plan B is the new Plan A
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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