I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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