I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
