Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
be right there i have to get my cape
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
