Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
