FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
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Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
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ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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