you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
