he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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