she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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