so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
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He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
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People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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