my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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