so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
