Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
