FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
