Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I deserve to be covered in dicks
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize