i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
