i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm at about main and main street
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
