I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
