I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
