Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
