I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
