Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
