Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
