you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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