haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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