We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Randomize
