I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
