She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
