Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
