that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
