the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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