and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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