You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize