He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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