wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
