Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
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I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
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When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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