I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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