Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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