Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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