threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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