??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
