ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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