my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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