So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
