I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
