Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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