i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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